there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
