You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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