Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
