addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
