she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The power of my boobs compel you
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
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