Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
