I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
