i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
