I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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