A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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