is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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