I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Your dad touched me again.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
