when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize