It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
