Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
