Don't you send me to vm
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
