HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
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just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
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I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before