I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....