Texts From Last Night

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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Dude, I just rear-ended a cab

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Are you drunk?

  (770): View more from Georgia

  A little...yes

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Run!

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Terrible brother advice.

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  (770): Dude, I just rear-ended a cab (404): Are you drunk? (770): A little...yes (404): Run! (770): Terrible brother advice. http://tfl.nu/gq63
  Replies (4) Good night (945) Bad night (1236)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.

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  (832): Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth. http://tfl.nu/8o52
  Replies (17) Good night (705) Bad night (6632)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night

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  (270): It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night http://tfl.nu/y9wt
  Replies (19) Good night (3982) Bad night (1262)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.

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  (740): well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong. http://tfl.nu/972k
  Replies (12) Good night (4551) Bad night (876)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...

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  (314): You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out... http://tfl.nu/a1pv
  Replies (7) Good night (6508) Bad night (1053)
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.

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  (506): No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park. http://tfl.nu/t1o0
  Replies (7) Good night (807) Bad night (2306)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket

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  (817): i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket http://tfl.nu/0h42
  Replies (2) Good night (665) Bad night (2176)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day

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  (217): I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day http://tfl.nu/8h3x
  Replies (9) Good night (950) Bad night (2085)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?

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  (970): Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...? http://tfl.nu/ngco
  Replies (7) Good night (722) Bad night (2073)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325

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  (910): Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly. (910): im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325 http://tfl.nu/vc15
  Replies (26) Good night (855) Bad night (2387)
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...

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  (469): Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it... http://tfl.nu/spt6
  Replies (7) Good night (2603) Bad night (624)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"

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  (303): I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis" http://tfl.nu/qqqf
  Replies (6) Good night (1477) Bad night (541)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine

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  (314): Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine http://tfl.nu/rnj9
  Replies (11) Good night (664) Bad night (1322)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.

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  (970): My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment. http://tfl.nu/pqim
  Replies (0) Good night (576) Bad night (190)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero

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  (314): Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero http://tfl.nu/2pom
  Replies (0) Good night (506) Bad night (188)

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