just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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