Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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