It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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