I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
