This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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