remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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