2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
