just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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