In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
