let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Randomize
