Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
