The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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