hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
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