dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
