mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
