Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
