I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You smell like a Billy Joel song
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
