8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
