I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you will always have a special place in my vag
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
