Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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