so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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