apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
