I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
