Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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