I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
