I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i think i have herpe
just one?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
