Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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