upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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