Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
