This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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