is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
