That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
