Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
