Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i think im in europe. pls send help
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
