She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
