How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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