I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize