turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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