Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
