remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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