Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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