I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
