A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
