I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
When are your genitals available?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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