Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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