I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
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its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
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If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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