I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
