Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
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