Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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