hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
