i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
