I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
