what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
