Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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