I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
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